Fight Song: Getting My Life Back
The reason why I’m writing this as a first piece is because its a positive place for me to be. It makes sense really my first love has always been singing and music. Writing has only just come on to the scene really, but that’s another story, mmm good pun actually!
The reason I’ve called this post ‘Fight Song’ is because I’ve had to do a lot of fighting lately. No punching going on, I’m too soft for that! But physically and mentally I’ve had quite a hard time. Life has thrown a lot of difficult things my way….to say the least.
As you will know if you’ve read the ‘About Me’ page I have Anosmia and its been a real struggle. Anger, fear, mood swings, depression you name it I’ve been there….a lot! Music has often helped me get somewhere near ok and depending on what I listen to has soothed me, as in ‘The Beech’, a little known but great singer who sings a beautiful song called ‘I’m Not Broken, or a song by Rudimental called ‘Not Giving In’, that makes me dance around the room like a nutcase. Seeing the connection here? In the case of the song I’m going to tell you about, this little gem has made me determined to beat this and fight.
The song is by one of my favourite singer/songwriters Sia, her power, range and tone of voice completely blows me away every time I hear her. She is originally from Australia and has in fact been through a lot of bad times herself. The song is called ‘Alive’ from the album ‘This Is Acting’ and is her latest release.
A bit of background for you; The song itself was written for Adele initially, about her life from her perspective, and was actually written in a writing session with her. Adele actually rejected the song last minute (crazy women), which was supposed to be on her 3rd album. So Sia used it on her album ‘This Is Acting’, instead….so glad she did! (‘Background information from Wikipedia’).
The song has powerful, emotionally driven lyrics and the passion in her voice is amazing. The whole song is wonderful but the main section that stands out for me is this:
I had a one way ticket to a place where all the demons go
Where the wind don’t change
And nothing in the ground can ever grow
No hope, just lies
And you’re taught to cry into your pillow
But I survived.
I’m still breathing x4
I’m alive x4
You are probably thinking at this point what the….has the first part got to do with anything? Yes I know the chorus speaks for itself. But let me enlighten you on the reason for the rest of it feeling so relevant to me also.
I felt like I had a ‘one way ticket to a place where all the demons go’ when I first acquired anosmia, that was it as far I was concerned no going back. Only forward into a darkness, life would never be the same again. ‘The wind don’t change and nothing in the ground can ever grow’, I certainly didn’t change or grow, totally the opposite I was withering away, waking up everyday and still the same. No smell, no taste. I felt like there was no hope, just lies, I didn’t believe I would ever recover I wanted to give up and oh yes I did cry into my pillow, every night at first. But…. I survived, and….I’m still breathing….and….I’m alive!
When I heard this song I identified with a lot of the words on so many levels. Because I have survived and I’m still here breathing when I felt like I didn’t want to be at times and I’m glad I’m alive now.
So whenever I get depressed and have one of my off days, which I still do…..I play this song full blast and remind myself that life is worth living even though its not perfect. I’m still breathing even though I cant smell the air. No more crying into my pillow I’ve done enough of that.
Instead I’ll beat my depression which enveloped me when this happened. I’ll live with my Anosmia, if I have to I could still get better yet. I’ll become fit and healthy again after not eating because food was rubbish and had no taste. I will also sing this song to my hearts content even though I will never be Sia. However I cant have a bad voice or I wouldn’t have made a living out of singing for 15 years! I’ll tell you about that another time. But for the moment what I want to say is:
Thank you so much Sia, you’ve kept me going!
Do you have a fight song? Let me know in the comments.